The Twitrix
by Caffeine High
Summary: Twilight meets Matrix. The Agents are sent to Forks, to get rid of some suspected exiles under the alias "Cullen".


The black car stopped in front of a dull gray building called "Forks High School." From it, three figures emerged. Their glossy black dress shoes stepped in the puddles of collected rainwater, splashing drops of mud on their otherwise spotless dress pants as they crossed the parking lot. The eternally overcast sky threw shadow on their faces, making each emotionless government agent appear a messenger of death.

Two hours earlier, they were assigned the mission of eliminating a collected group of exiled programs. Deleting programs as fierce as those whose nature they'd been briefed on promised more excitement than chasing pathetic Resistance fighters, but their faces were expressionless and controlled, though betraying a trace of boredom.

"A high school," Agent Jones noted.

"How quaint," Agent Brown added to his thought, as they so often did.

"We don't make our move until the exiles return home," Agent Smith ordered, opening the door to the office building, followed closely by Brown and Jones.

"Hello, sirs." The woman at the front desk smiled at the men in neat business suits and sunglasses. "How can I help you?"

"We are looking for the Cullen family," Smith told the woman in a steady tone, controlled and authoritative. Humans were easily manipulated when they were made to feel small. Which they were. Nasty human worms. Just the Agent's matching clothing and earpieces were enough to intimidate anyone.

The woman's eyes darted from Brown, to Jones, to Smith. "Oh, goodness, are they in some sort of trouble?" the woman asked, shocked.

"That depends. We need a copy of their schedule and home address," Smith ordered, flicking a piece of dust from his cufflink.

"I--I'm afraid I can't give you that information," the woman stuttered.

Jones and Brown took a step towards her, but Smith held a hand to stop them, taking out the badge he used at times like this. "We're federal agents. I am ordering you to comply."

The woman nodded, her eyes darting around the room nervously.

~ * ~ * ~

Lunch.

It was probably the best time of day for these pathetic humans.

The Agents watched from the corner of the room as students poured into the cafeteria.

Last came the Cullens, and with them, some skinny pale girl. She was nothing. The exiles were the target. The Agents were only there to observe. There were too many humans around for them to delete the exiles. They'd wait until the day ended and the Cullens returned home.

The principal had been informed of the Agents' presence, and had continued to annoy them throughout the day, wondering what the perfect Cullens could had done.

Quite a lot, actually. The Cullens had broken almost every law in the book, from murder to stealing. Not that the dim-witted principal needed to know that.

Smith, Brown, and Jones watched the Cullens with boredom. They were pale, attractive (to a dull-minded human, at least), and did not touch their food. They all looked as sickened as Smith felt when he was forced to be around these disgusting humans, as their stink infected his very being like a cancer.

The skinny, brown-haired boy kept glancing over at the Agents much too often for his curiosity to pass unnoticed, if anything was ever unnoticed by the Agents. He put a protective hand on the brunette, _human_ girl, and kept whispering to his sister, who looked at the Agents only half as much as her brother did.

"Alice and Edward Cullen," Agent Jones recited under his breath. The others were Jasper, Emment, and Rosalie. Their "parents" were Esme and Carlisle. They'd get them all at the same time. It would be easy. Everything came easy to an Agent.

The Agents observed the exiles enough within five minutes, and left the corner of the cafeteria silently.

The principal tried to stop them on their way down the hall, asking where they were going, but the Agents ignored the man, and finally he left them alone.

"It's clear they're exiles." They had reached the car and climbed in, long before they'd intended to leave, but they all felt the need to free themselves from those horrible humans. Jones was the only one speaking aloud, but it was the same shared thought among them all.

"We strike tonight," Smith told them.

~ * ~ * ~

At the end of the lunch period, while students were changing buildings to get to their next class, the brown-haired boy Edward and his sister Alice ran across the parking lot with the human girl Bella Swan (the only daughter of local useless police chief). Agent Brown cast a look at Smith. "Shall we follow them?" Brown asked.

"No. Stay and watch the others. I'll go after these two," Smith told him, stepping out of the car.

Edward and Alice had stopped by a silver Volvo, clearly understanding their was danger, and trying to leave. "Mister Cullen," Smith called in his usual tone.

Edward's head rose, and he stepped in front of the human girl, who looked terrified, and like she might faint. The female, Alice, stood beside them, watching with uneasiness.

"Do you know who I am?" Smith had nearly reached them now.

"No." Edward flared his nostrils. "Don't touch Bella."

Smith arched an eyebrow and let a dry chuckle escape his lips. Love was a pathetic, comical thing. Weaker than humans. Yet strangely amusing to crush.

"Your family has been causing us some problems for quite a while, Mister Cullen," Smith continued.

"Alice. Get in the car. Drive Bella to safety," Edward ordered.

Smith's face turned up in a plastic smile. "Yes, why don't you do that, Miss Cullen? Drive away. Flee. Run for your lives," he encouraged in his dull, mocking voice.

Edwards eyes flickered behind Smith, where Rosalie, Emment and Jasper were coming from.

The Audi with Jones and Brown pulled up behind Smith, as the other Cullens reached the silver Volvo.

But instead of turning on Smith, who had clearly shown his intentions, they began backing up, with protective hands over the Bella human, and all climbing into the silver Volvo cautiously.

"We'll be seeing you very soon, Mister Cullen," Smith smiled, watching them pull away. He would enjoy deleting them.

~ * ~ * ~

"I couldn't hear their thoughts, Carlisle! They had no heart beats! They must be vampires!" Edward hissed to his "father".

"Calm down Edward, there are more of us than there are of them," Esme cooed.

"We have to hide Bella." Edward spoke as if Bella wasn't sitting in the Cullens' living room, right in front of him. "We'll get the werewolves from the reservation to help us--"

"Werewolves? Why thank you, Mister Cullen. We would have never known." The door opened, and Smith, Brown and Jones smiled at their soon to be victims.

Yet again, the Cullens, instead of attacking, all gathered around the human, who they'd brought with them. Smith eyed the girl, weak, frail, and pathetic. Even more so than most humans. Smith raised his head to look at Edward.

"If you want Bella, you'll have to go through us first!" Edward growled.

The Agents exchanged a look.

"What would we want with _her_?" Brown asked, in a tone almost human with sarcasm.

Edward's face turned from rage to confusion in an instant. "Who are you?" he demanded.

Smith, curious now because of Edward's threat, was looking intently at the Bella human. She stood, on shaky legs, trying to stand in front of Edward. "Don't touch Edward! Take me instead!"

Edward stepped in front of her again. "I'll rip your throats out."

This time the Agents laughed. "I wasn't going to kill the Bella human until now, but I think I'll let you watch her die, just to see you squirm," Smith informed him, brushing his nails on his sports jacket to annoy Edward.

Edward growled, and jumped at Smith, trying to bite him, apparently, but Smith punched his stomach, sending him flying backwards, crashing through the wall.

All the Cullens, clearly shocked, stared at the Agents with new-found fear. "What are you?" Carlisle asked.

"Your worst nightmare," Smith informed him, in a polite tone. "_Doctor_ Cullen."

Jasper and Alice tag-teamed, launching themselves at Jones, Rosalie and Emment went after Brown, and Edward charged Smith. Carlisle and Esme were guarding Bella, seemingly appalled at the violence.

It was a better fight than most Resistance gave, but still nothing compared to an Agent. At least the Resistance knew when they were outmatched, and had the good sense to run.

The fight, after breaking down the Cullens' wall, went outside into the forest. Jasper kept pausing, wondering, though the Agents didn't notice, or care, why he couldn't feel any emotions, and Alice found while fighting this strange man, his next move changed so often, by the time she knew, he'd already done it.

Emment was useless, having always thought himself the strongest being alive, and therefore a pushover. Rosalie, had no idea what she was doing, and even more pathetic than her mate.

Edward, who'd never realized how much he relied on mind-reading, was as predictable as anyone Agent Smith had ever met. He was pathetic.

The three battles formed into one, in which the Cullens proved themselves only slightly less pathetic together. Emment tried to grab Brown's feet, getting himself kicked in the head, and thrown down through the trees. Alice and Rosalie tried to knock Jones's head off, but he threw them down in a swift, easy movement. It went on like that for a few quick minutes, in which the Cullens used their poorly aimed techniques against the perfectly skilled attacks of the Agents.

After less than twenty seconds, the Agents had discovered the Cullens' limbs were made from Anfloxvorsite, a very flammable substance, that was usually impenetrable. So instead of shooting them, the Agents simply knocked their limbs off.

When Jasper and Rosalie had been disassembled, piled up and ready to be burned, however, Carlisle and Esme joined the fight, proving themselves totally useless.

Carlisle stood before Smith, panting like a wild animal. Smith smirked as the doctor leapt at him, taking a hold of his forearm, and sending him into the ground.

Fifteen minutes later, Brown had burned all the Cullens, except Edward. He had clearly gone insane, and had made it back to the house, only to guard Bella again.

"Why bother, Mister Cullen?" Agent Smith followed them into the house, finding them cowering in a corner. "Why do you persist?"

"You can't take Bella!" Edward yelled.

Smith arched an eyebrow at the pathetic, screaming, "sissy-boy" (if you will). "If we cared to, we could. But it would be a waste of time, and time, once used up, is gone forever. Not that that would normally apply to you, would it, Mister Cullen?" Smith removed his sunglasses, so Edward could better see his face. "Your services are no longer required. You are being removed from the program."

Jones and Brown appeared behind Smith, and dragged Edward away from the crying teenage girl.

Smith was turning to leave, since they'd have to go take care of the werewolf problem next, when the crying human grabbing his suit, screaming incoherently, though Smith was fairly sure she was cursing.

Smith grabbed her wrists, prying the annoying creature off of his nice suit, pushing her away with great force. "Miss Swan, control your hormones." Agent Smith turned again to leave, aware the crazed girl was running at him again.

He stepped out of the way, letting her fall with incredibly clumsiness.

She then curled up into a ball and sobbed. Smith raised an eyebrow, leaning over to look at the helpless mess of meat that was the human.

"Y-you...y-you k-killed Edward!" she sputtered pathetically.

"Yes." He smiled deviously, having found the whole thing rather amusing.

"Why?" Bella blubbered.

"Because the only thing in all the universe worse than humans, are Mary Sues and pretty-boy vampires."

~ * ~ * ~

That night, Smith, Jones and Brown stood on the roof of the local bank, the tallest building in Forks, watching the small town go to sleep for the night. "Sleep in peace this night, Forks, Washington..." Smith began.

"We have burned the vampires the fan girls all loved..." Brown added.

"Be warned La Push reservation..." Jones spoke mysteriously.

"For tomorrow all your precious werewolves..." Brown left.

"Will die."

* * *

I don't own Matrix or Twilight or any of the characters. But if I did...this would happen.

To all Twilighters who didn't like this fanfic, the Agents are hardcore awesome, and the Cullens are just dumb.

* * *


End file.
